Count to 10....Now Breathe

"Fuck where I've been, it's where I'm going."

I've been out for awhile.  Don't ask, only the real know.  Just know that I'm fine and all is well. As some worry about my safety, I try my best to keep those close at ease.  Understand that I've done alot of things that I don't regret.  There hasn't been anyone that crossed my path that didn't have something coming to them as I went through them to continue my path to become me.  I never brought anything to anyone, I was the reactor, the person responding to situations that affected me in some way or another.  Each time I was careful, and because of this I earned my spot in a way.  Alot of times I never asked for things to just 'happen', good or bad.  Fact of the matter is, they do.  With me.  Alot....a whole fucking lot.

My close brushes with death are things that I am still trying to live with.  From being shot, to having bats shattered on my head and numerous car accidents etc.  I have come to grips that it's easy for people to not trust the world around me.   Hell I'm the same way, yet I have to give some cats the leadway to live their life.  I can't help but to stress my concerns, yet I have to give them the benefit of the doubt that they know what they are doing.   It's how I sleep at night.  I'm loyal to my friends like I am to my family.  Unless there is some kind of reunion, I am on one hand with my number here.  So I keep it all tight like buttcheeks on a cold day.  Trust and believe, there are alot of things my friends have done that I don't agree with to this day, yet it's my trust in them not to remind them all the time.  

Do I have a temper?  Hell yes.  It's pent up from a time where I allowed people to make decisions for me.  Go here go there, become this, do that, smile more, kiss ass, and look where it got me.  Unhappy, stressed, and when it hit the fan, I was the scapegoat.  Unlike others who choose to point the finger.  I pointed it at myself and dealt with things as if I put myself there.  I said yes right?   We're not even going to talk about relationships, that's a whole nother' blog.  This is the other 90% of my life.  The people who talked that 'we got your back shit'.   The church, the jobs, old friends, teachers.  The ones who turned their back when I uncovered the real about them.  When it came time to pull their card, I instead used my wit and my past to stop the charade.   I said no for the first time, with a smile at that.  Instead of meeting me halfway, muhfuckas took the low road.  Talked shit behind my back, told me that I wasn't going to amount to nothing, said I was gonna end up a small article in the paper right before seeing my face in the obits.   This shit I was hearing at 15.  As time progressed,  jobs were taken,  goals were created and met.   I had learned and developed my own path where I could make my mistakes and tell others fuck you if they had anything to say about it.   I stayed faithful to those who gave me that leadway.  The ones who said they worry but it's cool.  When I come out on top, I don't even address those at the bottom.  Why?  Ain't no point.  What did they do?  Firing a gun in the air ain't killing the sky.  Why do I need to tell you I didn't get hit?

I am not the streets...that's the LOX.   People who know me know that I am prolly' one of the nicest people you could meet.  As long as you don't cross me.  No matter where I go there's gonna be someone who thinks they can come out on top of me, and that's fine.  The love of competition brings me to that level.  Yet, it's those who play dirty that underestimate me at face value, that don't know who I am.   They see the wire frames, they see the big feet and the lefthandedness and think I'm another sucker that knows nothing but computers and video games. Although I do, they don't realize that last symbol on my arm means "Dangerous" until it's too late.   I don't ask for it.  It comes.  Unlike some, I have a different way of dealing with things, besides....there's people here at home I have to take care of.  Can't have them without me at any cost.  So I have to be thorough with myself on all avenues.   Dig me?

With that said, there isn't a street you can't cross without looking both ways anywhere in the world.  Why?

Cause you never know who really is trying to hit you.

Count to 10....now breathe.

The SoD

Look Closely

"...'Strong',  'Intimate', and 'Dangerous'....top to bottom"  -  Tattoo on left shoulder

There comes a time where things just go up.  You wake up one morning and after giving thanks, just take in what's good.  The phone rings and you are performing in a big show in your hometown, you recommunicate with your best friend, you have a photo shoot that is promising, new jobs begin, and although the temperature is set on "melt", you realize that this is some cool shit happening.  So fast, so in sync, so fucking good.

Fuck what you heard, it's what you know.  I have to limit all my travelling to weekends and you know what?  Maybe that's all I need.  I always lived by the phrase work hard play hard so there it is.  With that GPS shit in the car and a new phone in the works with the same thing, the last thing I need is someone up in my ass about how I couldn't come see folks.   So once again I will go on tour, catching up and tearing shit down in the process.  This is gonna be some shit.  It's the drive home that's gonna be ill though.   Gotta get back and repeat the process.

So with that said, New York and New Jersey seems like the spots to chill, DC is last on the menu.  Looks like Darkness is gonna go for a ride.  

a lil' snippet cause some are asking....what the fuck does that shit have to do with the quote up there?

The heavens underestimate my powerful eternal reign simple and plain my time on this earth from birth til the day I die is spent living for the lifetime instead of the moment.  It was these same moments that gave me a chance to dance with death, in fact it was these same moments that I spent most of the time taking in my fate over in over in a last breath followed by short clips of life slideshowing different times when I was at my finest.  All this as I look at and take in what should've been the end of me.  Wink to the sky cause I know God's been good to me.  So each day I'm alive I strive to become stronger, on the inside more so the outside holds up longer...

The heart understands my personal eccentric repetoire by far I'm a romantic, fuck circle yes or no I wrote love poems on candy braclets with your name in the middle, trace circles on your backside and while making you giggle I'll tell you a riddle that I won't even have the answer to, but to think on it together forever makes it even better to hang with you and this comes without banging you and no I'm not aiming to, i'm too serious for playin' so I'll be fucking me gaming you.......

Ok enough for now...hmmmm that's two I gotta finish.  Those who know me, look close.

You've been served.

The SoD

It's Only the Beginning...

"Fuck classmates....I got church folk" - The SoD

It's been years...too long actually.  God doesn't time fly??

20 years ago....

Dover Deleware, the big one.  4 days and 3 nights college campus, and not one student in sight.   My crew wasn't as big then.  The second generation, the new jacks.  I walked on that campus of Del. State and no I had no intention on things happening the way they did.  The broad spectrum was meet and greet, mingle, and if your lucky make a new friend and enjoy that penpal life that you were introduced in grade school.  I had a bestfirend already, total opposite of him, yet it was the simplest of things that kept us close.  It was his eye that made me look your way, it was the first of many looks, and when we talked, you could shut out the rest of the world because unlike most of the others that was demanding attention, you had mine, and haven't lost it since.

Once the 1st generation left it all to us in 89' I knew seeing you again was a possibility.  You and my best friend was together, and I swore if you had looked at our phone bills you could easily see who talked more.  You can easily say that you and I had a bond.  Real recognize real, and I never once had to ask "Just who the fuck are you again??!"  There was the 1st meeting of your grandma, and you meeting my moms.   We protected each other, and no matter what, we held shit down.  

Someone help whoever fucked with that, or at least tried to.  There were haters everywhere, from the girls who couldn't stand you to the bitch ass muhfuckas that tried everyway possible to bring out the side of me that I should've left at home.  There was the incidents, the 9 in the suitcase, the football, the ongoing tension between New England and New Jersey no one but us understands but those involved, the waterwar on campus, the walkout in NY, the Detroit revelation, the girl from Rhode Island (you gave me hell with that), Tasha, Malcolm, that light skinned fuck with the high top that looked like Donald Duck, Miami (siggghhhhhhhhh).  The lack of understanding that we we're fucking inseperable, and those who didn't quite get it learned the hard way.   The intoxicating times shared in those spots, the late night talks that crept to the sunrise.  Wiped tears in the middle of heartaches we only asked for dealing with bullshit folks.  We learned not everyone is like us, we disagreed and got mad at each other like everyone else, yet the night wasn't over until we talked, even if it took all fucking night.  One of the first to ever really calm me down, at that age.  You knew I was something different, as I did you.   

We had our blank times, complete years of absence where some would either forget or choose to forget, eliminate closeness due to lack of presence.  Our paths would cross again not because they had to, but because we wouldn't let it happen any other way.  We have that bond.  We think alike, and for some reason, when you think about me, I'm thinking about you too.  Yep, we crazy.  My people's still know how to find you, and it's good.  I was starting to get worried.

So you got married, and I almost did.  Kids no but I'm working on it.  Worked for the government and still say fuck politics.  I'm alive no jive and I'm doing just fine kid.  

Fast foward to now, thirty, yet twenty years in the making.  After all this time, you are the one friend who's been there in some of my best and worst of times.  You've been the same and I couldn't ask for more...

....then again.....

You my best friend and yeah, it's only the beginning.

The SoD

I'm It....

"I'm funny enough....no more fowarding me chain letters and jokes on my phone please...." - The SoD


What I was doing 10 years ago?

Busting ass at Newbury College

5 Snacks I Enjoy
1. Charms Blow Pops
2. Tootsie Pops
3. Vanilla Oreos
4. Krispy Kreme Donuts
5. Kettle Corn Popcorn

5 Things On My 2-do List 2day
1. Walk my dog
2. Check on GMa while Moms is away
3. Finish working on track for album
4. Go to Foxwoods just to get away.
5. Roll purple in pink lemonade prior to #3.

5 Things I would do as a Billionaire.
1. Seek the truth on 9/11 and dare someone to call me unpatriotic.
2. Buy an island and mail a picture of my ass to the IRS.
3. Find a 3rd World Country to live in so I can go on BBC and talk about how fucked up the US is while sitting in flip flops feeding my iguana snickers bars.
4. Consider steps to become a trillionaire in case 1 don't work.
5. Invest in myself.

5 Jobs I've Had...
1. Security Officer
2. US Marine
3. Sales Manager @ Foot Locker
4. Youth Counselor
5. Artist (still employed)

5 Bad Habits
1. I bite my nails
2. I curse alot
3. I don't think there's any more

5 People I want tagged
1.________ Insert name here and do this OK??? (I'm talking to whoever reads this.)

5 Random Things You Don't Know About Me
1. I'm alot smarter than you think.
2. I can withstand pain like you wouldn't believe.
3. I'll keep it at that, those other 3 are for me.

The SoD

The Painful Visit Back...

"...you feeling it again eh?" - Moms

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

I threw out the bullshit hoping to catch some type of realness
instead there's excuses to cover reasons and the mainstream asks me if I feel this?
All this time I
wanted to see exactly what was good in my vote right?
I try with my might to keep positive thoughts in spite that there's negativity in my sights and this so called light that supposed to shine bright is only flickering cause my vote damn near got my lights turned off.

Ready to march on the White House with a gas pump and a sawed off.

Glad that I was raised in the ol school cause the new rules seem to be set for fools who live to love words that are far from the truth
we at war for security
we fine with the economy
as far as we concerned Bush should get immunity
60 million spent on finding out where Clinton's nut went
3000 dead with only 600 grand for truth development
3 billion into 7 in a matter of 10 seconds
and to think I voted in 3 elections post
drugs traded for weapons
and the Patriot Act is supposed to protect us and yet neglect the constitution that used to be what we were salutin' but has been traded in for illusion and we just started to get wise but the lies covered the confusion

Yet there's the fine print that says for what I get caught with I'm locked for a brief stint yet the ones who brought it to me walks free cause they work for the Government? Bullshit, or Bushit is what I call it, you step your game up only to get thrown down and fucked because of it.

and before I vote for this black man I need to know where he stands
will he clean up this shit or does he wipe ass for the man?
and as I fight to keep my lights on I check my cell phone for taps and check the hood for traps so I can conference call the hood to let them know when a plane is on its way to the projects
but it's sad cause paying for gas killed my cell phone minutes so I have to call collect
fuck black and white, it seems only green gets respect
and the more of it you have the more liable the connect
and when the shit hits the fan you are trained to neglect
cause it's the connects will insure that you feel no regret
until  can't come through with your end
and then?

can't run from what's only in front all the time
and it ain't what you just hear but what you listen to in the lines
our nation defined by broken foundation and war crimes
and when the dust settles I'll be the fucking pot talking shit to the kettle
and while they investigate me to see if I'm down with Bin Laden

I'll be on the muthafuckin' frontlines finding justice for those forgotten.

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

The SoD

The Green Incident

"...anything is possible." - Kevin Garnett

I predicted 40 pts.  Ray Allen losing his mind (or finding it at least).  Tony Allen banging on someone, them being cocky enough to bring it back this way, and make it look good at the same time.   Yall was fooled.  Kobe getting MVP was a smokescreen, fuck what ya heard, it's about what you forgot.  We busted that ass when we saw them last, and don't give me that Pau Gasol crap, they were a regular team before and after him.  We were better from the beginning.  Period.

To KG, Jesus, Sam I Am, PJ Brown, Cool Ass Doc, yall deserve it....to Rondo, Allen, Posey, Powe, Big Baby, and House yall got something to show the kids, now bring it back.

and to think my BoSox won their game too.

I know somewhere in Phoenix there's a big dude laughing his ass off.  Somewhere in Colorodo a girl is looking up at her man saying....

"I told you he's cursed for life now...."

go green

The SoD 

Mid Day Hunger.....

"......we need to do lunch again..." The SoD



Clocks ticking
traffic moving slow lights glowing yellow
still I stay mellow
moving north on Main Street
destination unplanned then again
what else is new???
inside sits a divide where the false fights with the truth
and walls become obsolete when
real recognize real and
the inner soul partakes on a journey that ends when
you don't really know where the journey first began
yet
we enjoy tracing back the steps...
and it sucks that in life those steps are taken
quiet as kept
words pacing in a box yet
there's this embrace of this misplaced
freedom
a level of mystery so easily defined but so
much of a complex respect 0f things inside
that the heart can never forget
and no mortal can ever divide


sitting down
feels just as good as the first time
same feeling of butterflies
not visable to the naked eye
smiling at everything that comes my way
only from the right of me
refusing to indulge so I can keep focused
on good company
thoughts flash like a view finder
with most of them
with you under me
catching you staring
the chill I get with you glaring
makes me chew on the ice so I can
justify the shiver that came out of nowhere
all that's missing is the burger fries and coke
or was it pepsi?

cinnamon buns
long walks in the morning
carpeted floors
face sweating
knees burning
hard working
boss jerking
still smirkin'
long distance eye flirting
it was curtains

and on the way back I was highlighted by
the way we brought back what has been lost before
a pastime not shared by those who value it anymore...


the chance to do lunch.....*


*part 1