"Fuck where I've been, it's where I'm going."
I've been out for awhile. Don't ask, only the real know. Just know that I'm fine and all is well. As some worry about my safety, I try my best to keep those close at ease. Understand that I've done alot of things that I don't regret. There hasn't been anyone that crossed my path that didn't have something coming to them as I went through them to continue my path to become me. I never brought anything to anyone, I was the reactor, the person responding to situations that affected me in some way or another. Each time I was careful, and because of this I earned my spot in a way. Alot of times I never asked for things to just 'happen', good or bad. Fact of the matter is, they do. With me. Alot....a whole fucking lot.
My close brushes with death are things that I am still trying to live with. From being shot, to having bats shattered on my head and numerous car accidents etc. I have come to grips that it's easy for people to not trust the world around me. Hell I'm the same way, yet I have to give some cats the leadway to live their life. I can't help but to stress my concerns, yet I have to give them the benefit of the doubt that they know what they are doing. It's how I sleep at night. I'm loyal to my friends like I am to my family. Unless there is some kind of reunion, I am on one hand with my number here. So I keep it all tight like buttcheeks on a cold day. Trust and believe, there are alot of things my friends have done that I don't agree with to this day, yet it's my trust in them not to remind them all the time.
Do I have a temper? Hell yes. It's pent up from a time where I allowed people to make decisions for me. Go here go there, become this, do that, smile more, kiss ass, and look where it got me. Unhappy, stressed, and when it hit the fan, I was the scapegoat. Unlike others who choose to point the finger. I pointed it at myself and dealt with things as if I put myself there. I said yes right? We're not even going to talk about relationships, that's a whole nother' blog. This is the other 90% of my life. The people who talked that 'we got your back shit'. The church, the jobs, old friends, teachers. The ones who turned their back when I uncovered the real about them. When it came time to pull their card, I instead used my wit and my past to stop the charade. I said no for the first time, with a smile at that. Instead of meeting me halfway, muhfuckas took the low road. Talked shit behind my back, told me that I wasn't going to amount to nothing, said I was gonna end up a small article in the paper right before seeing my face in the obits. This shit I was hearing at 15. As time progressed, jobs were taken, goals were created and met. I had learned and developed my own path where I could make my mistakes and tell others fuck you if they had anything to say about it. I stayed faithful to those who gave me that leadway. The ones who said they worry but it's cool. When I come out on top, I don't even address those at the bottom. Why? Ain't no point. What did they do? Firing a gun in the air ain't killing the sky. Why do I need to tell you I didn't get hit?
I am not the streets...that's the LOX. People who know me know that I am prolly' one of the nicest people you could meet. As long as you don't cross me. No matter where I go there's gonna be someone who thinks they can come out on top of me, and that's fine. The love of competition brings me to that level. Yet, it's those who play dirty that underestimate me at face value, that don't know who I am. They see the wire frames, they see the big feet and the lefthandedness and think I'm another sucker that knows nothing but computers and video games. Although I do, they don't realize that last symbol on my arm means "Dangerous" until it's too late. I don't ask for it. It comes. Unlike some, I have a different way of dealing with things, besides....there's people here at home I have to take care of. Can't have them without me at any cost. So I have to be thorough with myself on all avenues. Dig me?
With that said, there isn't a street you can't cross without looking both ways anywhere in the world. Why?
Cause you never know who really is trying to hit you.
Count to 10....now breathe.
The SoD
1 comment:
Nice to see a blog from you.
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