"I had to...if you only knew what was inside of me at this very moment..." -The SoD
The Love Jones Open Mic was pretty ill on Wednesday. The ladies took over as the ratio was about 8:1 on the benefit of the ladies. I took notice that no other poets that I met were there. I was on my own this time. I wrote a poem called "I Wish" but it needed revision so I told myself that I'll put that to the side and give them a taste of "Sweet Observation". I had remembered that poem considering that it was the one that had the most impact on the last crowd. I also thought about coming home and writing more material. Don't want to give them the same thing twice unless I been in the game for awhile. Can't bore them, can't keep repeating myself. As a rapper in my young days, I had this thing where I said:
I spit my game mean but some say I'm too nice/only a rewind of the tape can get the same shit twice.....
I was 11 when I wrote that, but anyway I know that what I do is just a let-go of emotions. I just also know that I'm not one to be pegged when I get on stage. The Angry Poet, The Bitter Poet, The fallen rapper...that's just not me. I am a man filled with all different types of emotions. When I get on stage, there is so much I want to give the people in those 3 to 5 minutes. I want to leave a piece of me on that stage before I leave. I was asked why is it that I always look down at the floor when I'm done with my poems. "I had to....if you only knew what was inside of me at that very moment" is all I can say. What I know, they can't know. I have to save something for myself.
I think I've been successful. I left the stage with people asking for that poem. I have to remember to bring copies. I also have to remember to bring someone with a recorder to make sure I can be heard on my myspace account. Yeah I have one, but it's poetry...all poetry. Come there for some bullshit and it's a locked door looking at you. Show love and the door is open all day.
No drinks this time. I left the stage with an applause and a couple of ladies asked where mine was. I pointed to my chest where my heart was and they looked a bit taken back cause I had no words. Just smiled and pointed. One even asked where my ring was. After saying I wasn't married, she asked where I would be next. "I don't know, this isn't a regular thing for me yet." I said back. "Well I hope you make it regular, you're pretty talented and I want to know what you think of my version of "Sweet Observation". I smiled and my cell phone rang (thank God) it was my boy Fire Element showing me love. He said that he wants to come next time, I told him to bring the recorder, I need some help.
It's on next Wednesday. My man C* just got married and he'll be featuring in Bridgeport. I will be there to show my love and drop a bit on it as well. I won't be alone this time, and the 413 is gonna be in the building. Yay.
My man wanted me to invest in a studio that will produce my cd. I don't know about yall, but anything more than a G, I want some Diddy type shit. I gotta find a low key cat that is trying to come up. It would be hot that he got me to help him and him to help me. Who knows? We might blow together.
Speaking of which, its Friday. I been on the patch since Wednesday. I have to say, it actually works. Just feels weird sometimes. Back on the program, and another step closer to independant living, I'm flying high.
The war's over, and you know what? Life is cool. Right now though it's all about me, life is full of ups and downs, and with the smoke clear and me standing, I'm not standing still. I'm moving foward. Can't wait to do so much....I'm 100% now, and the one thing keeping me from what I want to do is me.
So with that said. I'm no longer on light duty. It's back to the lab. Back to creating.
"Per me, per l'amore, per la vita."
The SoD
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Monday Night Raw
“....Guess que lo está en ahora....” - The Sod
Once again I rode solo. I thought about alot on the way this time. I looked at my phone and noticed that I had a missed call and pulled over to check it. I had no time to call it back. Sign ups were at 730 and I got on the highway at around 710. I checked my pocket for my work and realized that I wasn't reading this time. I was reciting. I went over my piece line for line as I turned down Sam Cooke singing something about Cupid. I wanted to shoot his ass myself, my heart wasn't on point.
When I got there, I took a pass on the BEz drink and instead settled for a bottled water. I went outside and noticed the good luck and have fun on my message screen. I closed my eyes and imagined myself looking at the stage and seeing this person, I did that on the regular just to take the edge off. Made it feel like I was only talking to one person instead of a crowd. My vision was rocked though because all I kept seeing was a chair with no one in it. I couldn't focus, I had too much going on. I thought about taking my name off of the list. Instead I made my way back inside. Mind Evolution took the stage and killed it. I figured as much seeing that it was her spot. I noticed though none of the other cats I met at the last spot were there. I listened to Plus1, Stylez, and Emcee Eternal rock for awhile and a woman named Grace showed us just how amazing she was when she rolled an el while she did a poem on the dangers of smoking weed. Funny as hell.
When it was my turn to rock I was introduced with "Reunited" by the Wu Tang Clan. As I approached the mic, the violin in the song sent a shock through me, this warm rush flowed through me and the poem was in big letters in my head. I nodded hard to the shit... I took the mic and closed my eyes....
...the little big man is not a gangsta......
and when I opened them, there was the chair and there was someone in it this time. I read the words in my head and lost myself in the motion of the delivery. I gave them every inch of myself and didn't care. The energy was crazy going through it. By the end, I was catching claps and I still had 5 lines left. I finished with a pretty good applause. ME* came up and said I am gonna feature soon enough, sent me a text from Concious who told me he was sorry he couldn't be there. Invited me to the Poetz Realm on the 12th to get down. All the way in Bridgeport??? Sheeeit, that's a hike, but the BluNote made it to the Bean so I guess I could. First though, it's the Love Jones Cafe on this Wednesday....maybe I should bring the adult content this trip who knows?
So the month is pretty boo--wait, almost forgot have visit with doctor on thursday. With the swelling down and the pop and lock not there I just might earn myself a discharge, considering I don't really need a cane no more we'll see. After all it is the 2nd opinion and that's the last, I just keep my faith with it and move.
guess it's on now...
The SoD
Once again I rode solo. I thought about alot on the way this time. I looked at my phone and noticed that I had a missed call and pulled over to check it. I had no time to call it back. Sign ups were at 730 and I got on the highway at around 710. I checked my pocket for my work and realized that I wasn't reading this time. I was reciting. I went over my piece line for line as I turned down Sam Cooke singing something about Cupid. I wanted to shoot his ass myself, my heart wasn't on point.
When I got there, I took a pass on the BEz drink and instead settled for a bottled water. I went outside and noticed the good luck and have fun on my message screen. I closed my eyes and imagined myself looking at the stage and seeing this person, I did that on the regular just to take the edge off. Made it feel like I was only talking to one person instead of a crowd. My vision was rocked though because all I kept seeing was a chair with no one in it. I couldn't focus, I had too much going on. I thought about taking my name off of the list. Instead I made my way back inside. Mind Evolution took the stage and killed it. I figured as much seeing that it was her spot. I noticed though none of the other cats I met at the last spot were there. I listened to Plus1, Stylez, and Emcee Eternal rock for awhile and a woman named Grace showed us just how amazing she was when she rolled an el while she did a poem on the dangers of smoking weed. Funny as hell.
When it was my turn to rock I was introduced with "Reunited" by the Wu Tang Clan. As I approached the mic, the violin in the song sent a shock through me, this warm rush flowed through me and the poem was in big letters in my head. I nodded hard to the shit... I took the mic and closed my eyes....
...the little big man is not a gangsta......
and when I opened them, there was the chair and there was someone in it this time. I read the words in my head and lost myself in the motion of the delivery. I gave them every inch of myself and didn't care. The energy was crazy going through it. By the end, I was catching claps and I still had 5 lines left. I finished with a pretty good applause. ME* came up and said I am gonna feature soon enough, sent me a text from Concious who told me he was sorry he couldn't be there. Invited me to the Poetz Realm on the 12th to get down. All the way in Bridgeport??? Sheeeit, that's a hike, but the BluNote made it to the Bean so I guess I could. First though, it's the Love Jones Cafe on this Wednesday....maybe I should bring the adult content this trip who knows?
So the month is pretty boo--wait, almost forgot have visit with doctor on thursday. With the swelling down and the pop and lock not there I just might earn myself a discharge, considering I don't really need a cane no more we'll see. After all it is the 2nd opinion and that's the last, I just keep my faith with it and move.
guess it's on now...
The SoD
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Friday Night Lights......
"Just let it go...." - The Inner Thought Process...
I pulled in to Coltrane pumping out the speaker in the parking lot. I checked my cell phone one last time and noticed that there were no messages for me. I took in a breath of air and walked around a bit. There was a cookout going on and me not knowing anyone, I asked the cook how much for a plate. After telling me it was free, I took the timeout to chow on some burgers and chips. I haven't had much of an appetite since last weekend, but as time progressed (and a giant step away from those cigarettes) I realized that I wasn't depressed anymore....I was determined.
The vibe was great, straight vegetarian as I felt no beef anywhere. I looked in the club and noticed a person tapping to the jazz playing. I sat on the couch and chilled a minute, observed the scene and then went outside. I couldn't sit still. I was nervous, yet I wanted to get whatever was on that paper out, I didn't expect to freestyle, but as that paper came my way and I heard the poets, I just had this rush that said..."just let it go". I went to the car and chilled.
I got in the car and sat back in my seat. I noticed all the cars around me with CT plates and recognized that my friend who put me on to this venue wasn't there yet. I noticed a poet that I performed with the week prior just pull up. She had three friends with her that were all poets as well. She asked me if I was going to read and I said yeah. "That's what's up, you did your thing at Organix Soul and I was hoping you would be here." As much as I smiled, the feeling inside me was nervousness. I was the only male rep from the 413 in the so called 'rival' city. I didn't know if what was in my back pocket folded up was going to hold up.
It was my turn to go (number 8 on a 20 poet roster), the DJ you will meet down below introduced me. I smiled and showed love to all those who made it easier to perform. I pulled out the paper and let it fly. All of my poems with a little story as to how they came about. "Sweet Observation" came from what I know is the most beautiful sight around 5 in the morning. "Thoughts From the Inside" speaks on what it feels like to climax with the one you love. "To You and Only You." spoke on a love that won't ever die. In that order, I took the crowd and silenced them. As Sweet Observation came out. I noticed that the female poets went to the bar and quieted everyone who was loud. Don't know what that was about, but as I spoke, I noticed that I had took the crowd with me somewhere, the brothas giving me hell yeah's and dayums came from the ladies as they asked me what it was I felt at 6 in the morning after the sun was already up. The ovation made it so much easier to come with 'Thoughts'. I was about to get off stage and I was asked to do something off the top. I spit about what it felt like be an underdog and when you hear someone yell "that's alright" then I knew I was. As I got off stage, Mind Evolution came up to me and whispered in my ear...."Lemme know when you want to be a feature" and handed me a flyer. I will be performing on Monday. The other poets were off the chain, as I met them I realized that I was missing out on alot. This crew adopted me into their fam, and I walked in the place a third cousin, but walked out of there a brother. Here's some of the fam:
When Concious pulled up, he showed me love right off the back, asked me about the striped enyce shirt I was rocking. He then noticed my constant glares to the sky and asked me if I was nervous. I said a bit and he introduced me to everyone. Told me that there is no commercialism shit here, just passion. Right up my alley, and I was full of it too.
Cool ass Dave who is a DJ in CT, there was a level of realness as soon as we talked. I mentioned to him I was a DJ myself and he knew that shit from 93.7. He invited me to come on the show and do things. That ain't no question. Took card and he texted me as I left wishing me blessings on the way home and gave me a number to reach him at the station whenever. Something more to add to the cypher in my life.
E da Storyteller was the host who made sure that not only was I on, but had one of the best introductions I ever had. Came with some heat about "Guntown" and "Down Goes Babylon" dude is freaking crazy, and his vibe was contagious.
Brenda's Child is the poet I spoke of above with her three friends. I have this strange feeling she and I are going to slam together, she mentioned that she loved my shit on myspace and that we needed to exchange numbers on the real. Looks like I need to be in the lab for awhile if I am gonna be on a team soon.
Mazie and Mind Evolution were the features, I met ME @ organix soul last week, and although she is a bitter ass poet, she is the warmest person I shared with. I had to give it to her, she bought me a 'b ez' drink. Remy and Coke. Don't think I forgot aight? They tore it down. "The Girdle" "Real brothas/sistas do real things" "The Corners that Cut" pure sickness.
Lockdown is everyones sister, mother, confidante, cousin, just everything. She found out I was a friend of my man who didn't make it and instantly asked me if I was ready to slam yet. I didn't know what to say but whenever you ready. She was too cool though, a reader with a heart for anything tangible. "I like" "Sex + Confusion don't = Love" and "Give ME Back" were some real words I wish I got a copy, but she didn't have any.
These were the main players and I got a chance to vibe with them all. I found myself writing down my myspace address to so many people. I came in myself and left the same way. As I drove home, I thought about how I got here, what it took to get this far...how far I'm going. I still have such a long way to go. Yet the path is clear and pretty much set. I will be back on the stage Monday, and writing just comes with breathing. For those who helped me along the way thank you. I'm eatin' now, and the vibe is cool.
Til then, back to writing and reciting.
The SoD
I pulled in to Coltrane pumping out the speaker in the parking lot. I checked my cell phone one last time and noticed that there were no messages for me. I took in a breath of air and walked around a bit. There was a cookout going on and me not knowing anyone, I asked the cook how much for a plate. After telling me it was free, I took the timeout to chow on some burgers and chips. I haven't had much of an appetite since last weekend, but as time progressed (and a giant step away from those cigarettes) I realized that I wasn't depressed anymore....I was determined.
The vibe was great, straight vegetarian as I felt no beef anywhere. I looked in the club and noticed a person tapping to the jazz playing. I sat on the couch and chilled a minute, observed the scene and then went outside. I couldn't sit still. I was nervous, yet I wanted to get whatever was on that paper out, I didn't expect to freestyle, but as that paper came my way and I heard the poets, I just had this rush that said..."just let it go". I went to the car and chilled.
I got in the car and sat back in my seat. I noticed all the cars around me with CT plates and recognized that my friend who put me on to this venue wasn't there yet. I noticed a poet that I performed with the week prior just pull up. She had three friends with her that were all poets as well. She asked me if I was going to read and I said yeah. "That's what's up, you did your thing at Organix Soul and I was hoping you would be here." As much as I smiled, the feeling inside me was nervousness. I was the only male rep from the 413 in the so called 'rival' city. I didn't know if what was in my back pocket folded up was going to hold up.
It was my turn to go (number 8 on a 20 poet roster), the DJ you will meet down below introduced me. I smiled and showed love to all those who made it easier to perform. I pulled out the paper and let it fly. All of my poems with a little story as to how they came about. "Sweet Observation" came from what I know is the most beautiful sight around 5 in the morning. "Thoughts From the Inside" speaks on what it feels like to climax with the one you love. "To You and Only You." spoke on a love that won't ever die. In that order, I took the crowd and silenced them. As Sweet Observation came out. I noticed that the female poets went to the bar and quieted everyone who was loud. Don't know what that was about, but as I spoke, I noticed that I had took the crowd with me somewhere, the brothas giving me hell yeah's and dayums came from the ladies as they asked me what it was I felt at 6 in the morning after the sun was already up. The ovation made it so much easier to come with 'Thoughts'. I was about to get off stage and I was asked to do something off the top. I spit about what it felt like be an underdog and when you hear someone yell "that's alright" then I knew I was. As I got off stage, Mind Evolution came up to me and whispered in my ear...."Lemme know when you want to be a feature" and handed me a flyer. I will be performing on Monday. The other poets were off the chain, as I met them I realized that I was missing out on alot. This crew adopted me into their fam, and I walked in the place a third cousin, but walked out of there a brother. Here's some of the fam:
When Concious pulled up, he showed me love right off the back, asked me about the striped enyce shirt I was rocking. He then noticed my constant glares to the sky and asked me if I was nervous. I said a bit and he introduced me to everyone. Told me that there is no commercialism shit here, just passion. Right up my alley, and I was full of it too.
Cool ass Dave who is a DJ in CT, there was a level of realness as soon as we talked. I mentioned to him I was a DJ myself and he knew that shit from 93.7. He invited me to come on the show and do things. That ain't no question. Took card and he texted me as I left wishing me blessings on the way home and gave me a number to reach him at the station whenever. Something more to add to the cypher in my life.
E da Storyteller was the host who made sure that not only was I on, but had one of the best introductions I ever had. Came with some heat about "Guntown" and "Down Goes Babylon" dude is freaking crazy, and his vibe was contagious.
Brenda's Child is the poet I spoke of above with her three friends. I have this strange feeling she and I are going to slam together, she mentioned that she loved my shit on myspace and that we needed to exchange numbers on the real. Looks like I need to be in the lab for awhile if I am gonna be on a team soon.
Mazie and Mind Evolution were the features, I met ME @ organix soul last week, and although she is a bitter ass poet, she is the warmest person I shared with. I had to give it to her, she bought me a 'b ez' drink. Remy and Coke. Don't think I forgot aight? They tore it down. "The Girdle" "Real brothas/sistas do real things" "The Corners that Cut" pure sickness.
Lockdown is everyones sister, mother, confidante, cousin, just everything. She found out I was a friend of my man who didn't make it and instantly asked me if I was ready to slam yet. I didn't know what to say but whenever you ready. She was too cool though, a reader with a heart for anything tangible. "I like" "Sex + Confusion don't = Love" and "Give ME Back" were some real words I wish I got a copy, but she didn't have any.
These were the main players and I got a chance to vibe with them all. I found myself writing down my myspace address to so many people. I came in myself and left the same way. As I drove home, I thought about how I got here, what it took to get this far...how far I'm going. I still have such a long way to go. Yet the path is clear and pretty much set. I will be back on the stage Monday, and writing just comes with breathing. For those who helped me along the way thank you. I'm eatin' now, and the vibe is cool.
Til then, back to writing and reciting.
The SoD
Sunday, August 19, 2007
The Bank Is Closed Now...
"It's been too hard livin', but I'm afraid to die..." Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come
The beginning, going to school just to bounce, playing basketball during class, hiding in the bathroom just cause, talking about what it's like to be with a white girl, holding it down when it came time to throw em up, AIC camp, the games at the family center, the fights, the not knowing what the future held, but living in the present. Helping you find the level 5 card in Metal Gear, you showing me how to beat Tyson in punch out.
The middle, you doing you, telling me how the 'business' was doing, trying your best to keep me out of it, holding the stash while you talked to cops on the block, giving P* the excuses while you was out hustling, getting drunk at Velvet together and had a two knockout fight, you finding out that there's things better than hustling, you finding that out too late.
The end, us meeting back up a week after your release, applying at the same job together without knowing, ending up on the same team, picking up where you left off, father now, woman to hold you down, you teaching me the trick to the 'grab' bag, beating up our teammate on different ends of the week for fucking us over, you listening to me when I was down about my relationships, our promise to always ride for each other, any of our 'real talk' sessions, playing Madden, trying to stay awake while on the highway behind each other, you asking me when I'm leaving, me telling you i'm going...you telling me that no matter what, when it goes down you want to be there....me telling you that it's etched in stone.....you asking me if I'm happy.....me telling you no....you holding me down when I needed someone to listen to me...inviting me out to the club....trying to not get mad with my vegetarian response....you going without me.....P* calling me to tell me the news.....
me trying to live without another friend.....
another son to live without his father....
and a mother who never became a widow.....
You did so well with everything, you stayed hustling, but not to the extreme of losing your family. You got a job and stayed on your grind even after our team dissipated. You made me see that the job was the one killing me and that I needed to do something before it killed the ones closest. I thank you for that, I thank you for being real with me, for actually being my friend. The bank is closed now, and I made sure P* got the keys.
my brother I never had.
I love you....I miss you....Rest In Peace.
A$.....1976-2007
The beginning, going to school just to bounce, playing basketball during class, hiding in the bathroom just cause, talking about what it's like to be with a white girl, holding it down when it came time to throw em up, AIC camp, the games at the family center, the fights, the not knowing what the future held, but living in the present. Helping you find the level 5 card in Metal Gear, you showing me how to beat Tyson in punch out.
The middle, you doing you, telling me how the 'business' was doing, trying your best to keep me out of it, holding the stash while you talked to cops on the block, giving P* the excuses while you was out hustling, getting drunk at Velvet together and had a two knockout fight, you finding out that there's things better than hustling, you finding that out too late.
The end, us meeting back up a week after your release, applying at the same job together without knowing, ending up on the same team, picking up where you left off, father now, woman to hold you down, you teaching me the trick to the 'grab' bag, beating up our teammate on different ends of the week for fucking us over, you listening to me when I was down about my relationships, our promise to always ride for each other, any of our 'real talk' sessions, playing Madden, trying to stay awake while on the highway behind each other, you asking me when I'm leaving, me telling you i'm going...you telling me that no matter what, when it goes down you want to be there....me telling you that it's etched in stone.....you asking me if I'm happy.....me telling you no....you holding me down when I needed someone to listen to me...inviting me out to the club....trying to not get mad with my vegetarian response....you going without me.....P* calling me to tell me the news.....
me trying to live without another friend.....
another son to live without his father....
and a mother who never became a widow.....
You did so well with everything, you stayed hustling, but not to the extreme of losing your family. You got a job and stayed on your grind even after our team dissipated. You made me see that the job was the one killing me and that I needed to do something before it killed the ones closest. I thank you for that, I thank you for being real with me, for actually being my friend. The bank is closed now, and I made sure P* got the keys.
my brother I never had.
I love you....I miss you....Rest In Peace.
A$.....1976-2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Overthinking and Dreaming....
"damn...you ain't nothing like such and such said...." - B.D.* Lifeguard at work
I had a pretty draining experience last night. I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk. In between teeth chattering, and my body shivering, I broke into a sweat that took over the temperature in the room. I was cold outside, but the inside of me was burning up. I haven't felt like this in a good while. I put myself in bed after numerous attempts to stand up. Finally after catching my breath, I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.
I miss good sleep like that. To actually go and fall out lifeless and engage in wonder as to what can happen in life is something real to me. I like to dream, and I finally figured out how to control them. I dream in color, with commercials and all that. Kind of like BET without the whack ass voice overs and the sorry editing. Oh, you can also take out the half hour block of commercials. Last night, I dreamed something that was so real I woke up feeling like I just been floating.
I guess I'm high on life.
I've come to the conclusion that I oversimplify things. Call me whatever you like. I said I was a thinker, and most of the time I tend to overthink the simple and make it complex. The complex I tend to make simple, in some cases, it helps me understand things better. In others, its my way of finding the bottom line of things so I won't be so confused. I lived a good portion of my life trying to understand without asking questions and ended up in a world of shit as to where the person was trying to lead me. I have done my best to keep it under control, especially if I know that I could be wrong. I'm not one of these fools who take shit and run, instead before it gets worse, I stop myself for correction and if I was wrong admit it. That's the person in me. It's when people get that person confused with the type of folks they dealt with that labels and unconcious comparasons begin, and you are left with not only trying to correct yourself, but trying to convince people that you are not what they think you are. I can't count how many times people who have been around me say "I didn't think you were like that, I'm glad I talked to you." or "Damn, you ain't nothing like such and such said." This normally happens when someone listens to me openly instead of pegging me as something and seeing if I can "prove them wrong". When it happens, then it turns into how I wasn't genuine because all I was trying to do is prove something. Well, don't put me in that category if you can't handle the step up, because chances are, it had nothing to do with proving anything. It's just me, and if people weren't so high up on what was wrong with me, then it would be easier to see what's been good with me the whole time.
I lost too many friends like that.
I woke up knowing who I am, and I go to sleep the same way. I can't allow anyone to take away from the person I am, I don't care who you are. If you want to go and think I'm this or that, then fine. I'm better off without you in my life reminding me. If you want to get to know me, and what's good. Then hey I'll give you a minute.
In the meantime it's back to sleep, back to dreaming.
when I wake up, I'll take myself somewhere to think for a bit :)
The SoD.
I had a pretty draining experience last night. I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk. In between teeth chattering, and my body shivering, I broke into a sweat that took over the temperature in the room. I was cold outside, but the inside of me was burning up. I haven't felt like this in a good while. I put myself in bed after numerous attempts to stand up. Finally after catching my breath, I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.
I miss good sleep like that. To actually go and fall out lifeless and engage in wonder as to what can happen in life is something real to me. I like to dream, and I finally figured out how to control them. I dream in color, with commercials and all that. Kind of like BET without the whack ass voice overs and the sorry editing. Oh, you can also take out the half hour block of commercials. Last night, I dreamed something that was so real I woke up feeling like I just been floating.
I guess I'm high on life.
I've come to the conclusion that I oversimplify things. Call me whatever you like. I said I was a thinker, and most of the time I tend to overthink the simple and make it complex. The complex I tend to make simple, in some cases, it helps me understand things better. In others, its my way of finding the bottom line of things so I won't be so confused. I lived a good portion of my life trying to understand without asking questions and ended up in a world of shit as to where the person was trying to lead me. I have done my best to keep it under control, especially if I know that I could be wrong. I'm not one of these fools who take shit and run, instead before it gets worse, I stop myself for correction and if I was wrong admit it. That's the person in me. It's when people get that person confused with the type of folks they dealt with that labels and unconcious comparasons begin, and you are left with not only trying to correct yourself, but trying to convince people that you are not what they think you are. I can't count how many times people who have been around me say "I didn't think you were like that, I'm glad I talked to you." or "Damn, you ain't nothing like such and such said." This normally happens when someone listens to me openly instead of pegging me as something and seeing if I can "prove them wrong". When it happens, then it turns into how I wasn't genuine because all I was trying to do is prove something. Well, don't put me in that category if you can't handle the step up, because chances are, it had nothing to do with proving anything. It's just me, and if people weren't so high up on what was wrong with me, then it would be easier to see what's been good with me the whole time.
I lost too many friends like that.
I woke up knowing who I am, and I go to sleep the same way. I can't allow anyone to take away from the person I am, I don't care who you are. If you want to go and think I'm this or that, then fine. I'm better off without you in my life reminding me. If you want to get to know me, and what's good. Then hey I'll give you a minute.
In the meantime it's back to sleep, back to dreaming.
when I wake up, I'll take myself somewhere to think for a bit :)
The SoD.
Monday, August 13, 2007
April In August
"the joke's on you jack....." LL Cool J - Bad Album
I played myself. You heard it here first. The one who yall think is on point with his done got tripped up and you know what?
I can admit that.
It's cool though, I put myself out there, and its cool that we can all sit back and laugh about it. I just hope we can laugh with each other than at. Anyway, I understand now that before I start thinking about stuff, I should read all the way through instead of skim. Now I see why I haven't finished college yet.
From artist to artist, shit is hot. Nuff said.
My joke's are full of tact as well, I think someone still owe's me an ass whoopin from the fateful 'call from jail' I pulled in high school. I see why that relationship didn't work out either. I just lied my ass off and she took me as just that, a liar who lied too well.
shit I thought she was just mad.
then there's the one that went down in 05 where myself and my better half shocked the world by doing the one thing that they thought could never happen.
and to think there's some who still ain't over that one.
and my moms who I get every year, from the dead dog trick (it was stuffed), to the clear kool aid in the spring water dispenser she takes it in stride as she takes the negative charge out of my car....
when I'm already late to work.
still though, it's good that jokes like that happen. You laugh, and you learn.
The Sod
I played myself. You heard it here first. The one who yall think is on point with his done got tripped up and you know what?
I can admit that.
It's cool though, I put myself out there, and its cool that we can all sit back and laugh about it. I just hope we can laugh with each other than at. Anyway, I understand now that before I start thinking about stuff, I should read all the way through instead of skim. Now I see why I haven't finished college yet.
From artist to artist, shit is hot. Nuff said.
My joke's are full of tact as well, I think someone still owe's me an ass whoopin from the fateful 'call from jail' I pulled in high school. I see why that relationship didn't work out either. I just lied my ass off and she took me as just that, a liar who lied too well.
shit I thought she was just mad.
then there's the one that went down in 05 where myself and my better half shocked the world by doing the one thing that they thought could never happen.
and to think there's some who still ain't over that one.
and my moms who I get every year, from the dead dog trick (it was stuffed), to the clear kool aid in the spring water dispenser she takes it in stride as she takes the negative charge out of my car....
when I'm already late to work.
still though, it's good that jokes like that happen. You laugh, and you learn.
The Sod
Monday, August 6, 2007
Slowly Recharging...
"It's only make believe when you don't believe..." The SoD
So with all that's new in the world, I ended the week pretty good. I still need to catch up on some sleep as I continue on my path to recovery. With so much going on, I haven't had time to recharge the batteries. Yet, for those who give a damn, I'm doing just fine.
My Celtics got Garnett now. Before I begin my tirade about being the top team in the East, lemme wait til like December. If we have a winning record, I'll talk a bit, anything else just know that I said NOTHING here you dig? You can talk all the shit you feel, but make sure it's something creative, I can be quite deadly with my words. I know a championship is distant, far as i'm concerned, it's only make believe if you don't believe.
I overslept this morning, hey good dreams will do that to you. I guess I need to really go to sleep like around 7 sometime this week. My circadian has been all types of off for these past couple of weeks, gotta get right.
On another note, I started a new position at the job, sitting on my ass for 8 hours isn't my idea of work, yet it's where I am health wise that puts me here, either way, it's all temporary. Well, except the pay of course.
I will be doing my thing on the 22nd of this month one time only in the place born and raised. After this there will be no more. I'm only doing it just to get it out of the way. As a matter of fact I need to write something rated PG at least, they talking about cutting mikes off if heads slip up.
Before I make moves, Big up my man Noodlz, getting married next weekend. I haven't forgot you or Uncle Sal, I will be there, and if you can tell Ma Forelli I just can't do the cheese! The fried dough is all me though, I love the sauce. Hai capito?
I'm out
The SoD
So with all that's new in the world, I ended the week pretty good. I still need to catch up on some sleep as I continue on my path to recovery. With so much going on, I haven't had time to recharge the batteries. Yet, for those who give a damn, I'm doing just fine.
My Celtics got Garnett now. Before I begin my tirade about being the top team in the East, lemme wait til like December. If we have a winning record, I'll talk a bit, anything else just know that I said NOTHING here you dig? You can talk all the shit you feel, but make sure it's something creative, I can be quite deadly with my words. I know a championship is distant, far as i'm concerned, it's only make believe if you don't believe.
I overslept this morning, hey good dreams will do that to you. I guess I need to really go to sleep like around 7 sometime this week. My circadian has been all types of off for these past couple of weeks, gotta get right.
On another note, I started a new position at the job, sitting on my ass for 8 hours isn't my idea of work, yet it's where I am health wise that puts me here, either way, it's all temporary. Well, except the pay of course.
I will be doing my thing on the 22nd of this month one time only in the place born and raised. After this there will be no more. I'm only doing it just to get it out of the way. As a matter of fact I need to write something rated PG at least, they talking about cutting mikes off if heads slip up.
Before I make moves, Big up my man Noodlz, getting married next weekend. I haven't forgot you or Uncle Sal, I will be there, and if you can tell Ma Forelli I just can't do the cheese! The fried dough is all me though, I love the sauce. Hai capito?
I'm out
The SoD
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