Realities...

"You get this feeling that just won't go away...." - A Friend



I've been thinking about that line because going on stage has produced the same feelings over and over again. Prior to when I go, I have this butterfly feeling in the gut. Nothing to do with being scared to perform, but how I deliver. I want the crowd to feel me, the way I write and what is being said. Never was I afraid to get on the stage, but yet while I'm there it's a different story, if anything "yo son, that's whassup, you did your thing" is not enough. I need substance "yo son, that line about the castration of education was off the hook, my son is going through the same shit" I can fuck with that. Let's me know you were listening, let's me know that I was doing what I set out to do....make you think.

With that said, there's ton's of feelings that won't go away, my constant obsession with playing competitive basketball, my love to perform, my loyalty to those who've been nothing but real to me. I take these things and never have to analyze them for anything. They are just what they are, feelings that don't go away. I get away from it awhile and still I'm in a good place. I never thought about losing with these things because they are the things that keep me happy.

Nevertheless, there are those who choose to try and disrupt that and it's cool, I respect that. Ain't nothing more I like other than a hater. Still yet though, it's the inside that is never affected, which drives they ass crazy. I smile, yet inside, I just put you through a wall.

On the inside of me I am juggling alot of things, good things at that. I'm still learning my life as the changes in it have opened me up to new things. I am dealing with feelings that won't go away. Not that I'm trying to make them.....but you see that line up there.

Other than that I'm out....more stuff to write.

The SoD