The Bank Is Closed Now...

"It's been too hard livin', but I'm afraid to die..." Sam Cooke - A Change Is Gonna Come


The beginning, going to school just to bounce, playing basketball during class, hiding in the bathroom just cause, talking about what it's like to be with a white girl, holding it down when it came time to throw em up, AIC camp, the games at the family center, the fights, the not knowing what the future held, but living in the present. Helping you find the level 5 card in Metal Gear, you showing me how to beat Tyson in punch out.

The middle, you doing you, telling me how the 'business' was doing, trying your best to keep me out of it, holding the stash while you talked to cops on the block, giving P* the excuses while you was out hustling, getting drunk at Velvet together and had a two knockout fight, you finding out that there's things better than hustling, you finding that out too late.

The end, us meeting back up a week after your release, applying at the same job together without knowing, ending up on the same team, picking up where you left off, father now, woman to hold you down, you teaching me the trick to the 'grab' bag, beating up our teammate on different ends of the week for fucking us over, you listening to me when I was down about my relationships, our promise to always ride for each other, any of our 'real talk' sessions, playing Madden, trying to stay awake while on the highway behind each other, you asking me when I'm leaving, me telling you i'm going...you telling me that no matter what, when it goes down you want to be there....me telling you that it's etched in stone.....you asking me if I'm happy.....me telling you no....you holding me down when I needed someone to listen to me...inviting me out to the club....trying to not get mad with my vegetarian response....you going without me.....P* calling me to tell me the news.....

me trying to live without another friend.....
another son to live without his father....
and a mother who never became a widow.....

You did so well with everything, you stayed hustling, but not to the extreme of losing your family. You got a job and stayed on your grind even after our team dissipated. You made me see that the job was the one killing me and that I needed to do something before it killed the ones closest. I thank you for that, I thank you for being real with me, for actually being my friend. The bank is closed now, and I made sure P* got the keys.

my brother I never had.

I love you....I miss you....Rest In Peace.

A$.....1976-2007

Overthinking and Dreaming....

"damn...you ain't nothing like such and such said...." - B.D.* Lifeguard at work


I had a pretty draining experience last night. I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk. In between teeth chattering, and my body shivering, I broke into a sweat that took over the temperature in the room. I was cold outside, but the inside of me was burning up. I haven't felt like this in a good while. I put myself in bed after numerous attempts to stand up. Finally after catching my breath, I closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

I miss good sleep like that. To actually go and fall out lifeless and engage in wonder as to what can happen in life is something real to me. I like to dream, and I finally figured out how to control them. I dream in color, with commercials and all that. Kind of like BET without the whack ass voice overs and the sorry editing. Oh, you can also take out the half hour block of commercials. Last night, I dreamed something that was so real I woke up feeling like I just been floating.

I guess I'm high on life.

I've come to the conclusion that I oversimplify things. Call me whatever you like. I said I was a thinker, and most of the time I tend to overthink the simple and make it complex. The complex I tend to make simple, in some cases, it helps me understand things better. In others, its my way of finding the bottom line of things so I won't be so confused. I lived a good portion of my life trying to understand without asking questions and ended up in a world of shit as to where the person was trying to lead me. I have done my best to keep it under control, especially if I know that I could be wrong. I'm not one of these fools who take shit and run, instead before it gets worse, I stop myself for correction and if I was wrong admit it. That's the person in me. It's when people get that person confused with the type of folks they dealt with that labels and unconcious comparasons begin, and you are left with not only trying to correct yourself, but trying to convince people that you are not what they think you are. I can't count how many times people who have been around me say "I didn't think you were like that, I'm glad I talked to you." or "Damn, you ain't nothing like such and such said." This normally happens when someone listens to me openly instead of pegging me as something and seeing if I can "prove them wrong". When it happens, then it turns into how I wasn't genuine because all I was trying to do is prove something. Well, don't put me in that category if you can't handle the step up, because chances are, it had nothing to do with proving anything. It's just me, and if people weren't so high up on what was wrong with me, then it would be easier to see what's been good with me the whole time.

I lost too many friends like that.

I woke up knowing who I am, and I go to sleep the same way. I can't allow anyone to take away from the person I am, I don't care who you are. If you want to go and think I'm this or that, then fine. I'm better off without you in my life reminding me. If you want to get to know me, and what's good. Then hey I'll give you a minute.

In the meantime it's back to sleep, back to dreaming.

when I wake up, I'll take myself somewhere to think for a bit :)

The SoD.

April In August

"the joke's on you jack....." LL Cool J - Bad Album


I played myself. You heard it here first. The one who yall think is on point with his done got tripped up and you know what?

I can admit that.

It's cool though, I put myself out there, and its cool that we can all sit back and laugh about it. I just hope we can laugh with each other than at. Anyway, I understand now that before I start thinking about stuff, I should read all the way through instead of skim. Now I see why I haven't finished college yet.

From artist to artist, shit is hot. Nuff said.

My joke's are full of tact as well, I think someone still owe's me an ass whoopin from the fateful 'call from jail' I pulled in high school. I see why that relationship didn't work out either. I just lied my ass off and she took me as just that, a liar who lied too well.

shit I thought she was just mad.

then there's the one that went down in 05 where myself and my better half shocked the world by doing the one thing that they thought could never happen.

and to think there's some who still ain't over that one.

and my moms who I get every year, from the dead dog trick (it was stuffed), to the clear kool aid in the spring water dispenser she takes it in stride as she takes the negative charge out of my car....

when I'm already late to work.

still though, it's good that jokes like that happen. You laugh, and you learn.

The Sod

Slowly Recharging...

"It's only make believe when you don't believe..." The SoD


So with all that's new in the world, I ended the week pretty good. I still need to catch up on some sleep as I continue on my path to recovery. With so much going on, I haven't had time to recharge the batteries. Yet, for those who give a damn, I'm doing just fine.

My Celtics got Garnett now. Before I begin my tirade about being the top team in the East, lemme wait til like December. If we have a winning record, I'll talk a bit, anything else just know that I said NOTHING here you dig? You can talk all the shit you feel, but make sure it's something creative, I can be quite deadly with my words. I know a championship is distant, far as i'm concerned, it's only make believe if you don't believe.

I overslept this morning, hey good dreams will do that to you. I guess I need to really go to sleep like around 7 sometime this week. My circadian has been all types of off for these past couple of weeks, gotta get right.

On another note, I started a new position at the job, sitting on my ass for 8 hours isn't my idea of work, yet it's where I am health wise that puts me here, either way, it's all temporary. Well, except the pay of course.

I will be doing my thing on the 22nd of this month one time only in the place born and raised. After this there will be no more. I'm only doing it just to get it out of the way. As a matter of fact I need to write something rated PG at least, they talking about cutting mikes off if heads slip up.

Before I make moves, Big up my man Noodlz, getting married next weekend. I haven't forgot you or Uncle Sal, I will be there, and if you can tell Ma Forelli I just can't do the cheese! The fried dough is all me though, I love the sauce. Hai capito?

I'm out
The SoD

(Roast)tissere Chicken

http://ineedsecurityplease.blogspot.com/"Watch yourself, I just might be talking to YOU" - The SoD

You know what gets me? How some of you people feel as though you need to drag down the next to maintain or boost your own level in life. It kills me how sometimes you think someone is giving you words of encouragment only to turn around and in the same breath shit on you at the same time. The problem is that the person talking the shit never really has it all together themselves. I guess you can say this post is dedicated to the chickenheads out there (and I know the term 'chickenhead' is old, I'm ol'school, so fuck you) but instead of just talking about females, I'm going to talk about the males too. After all, I've always been about both sides, can't talk about one without the other.

So I guess you can say that this post is more about "BITCHES"

On the male side of things, there are so many type of bitches. There are the soft, sweet ass muh fuckas who walk around like they have this chip on their shoulder, only when it hits the fan they fold like pretzles and cry about why the world is too much for them.

Let's not forget the bitch at the job who wants yours, and while they smile in your face, their first move after they got all the reasons why you hate your job, is the boss who they report everything to. Yet they will insist that they don't do the bitch shit.

Or the other bitch at the job, you know the one who will try to fuck everything in sight that they work with or above, play this "oh i'm so sensitive and this and that and how they are tired of trying all these loose women with no sense" type bitches. Only to find out that they are nothing that they tried to sell to you, and when its done and over with put you in a position where they make you feel like the whore. When in all actuality, it was them fucking themselves.

Then there are the fools who are big as shit but rather instead of trying to knuckle up when it goes down, they either the first to run, or get the heat. Cause hey when you are 6'5'' and 275, the lil' 5'10'' dude with wire frames is just too dangerous for them. Dig me?

how do I deal with them? I don't. Too much energy to sit there and play tennis with them. So I sit back and watch them work. I feel as though we don't need to interact until either their bitch shit has an effect on me or the people I love. Bitches like that you let sleeping dogs lie. Like the third example up there, they will only fuck themselves in the end.

but what about the women?

The bitch at the same job, who is so concerned about what's going on in the next woman's life, she completley forgets she has one.

Or the same bitch that pushes you to fuck with number 3 up there either because she already fucked him, or she is so far gone with herself that she needs company to feel like she does.

Or the bitch that says she's such a hard worker in scamming on her cable, her housing, her baby's daddy, and her job that its too much for her, and that she don't understand why people can't work as hard as she does.

Hold up, there's also the one who swears they have their shit together, and somehow give 'tips' that really say how you don't. Yet there's those things you see that doesn't reflect what she's saying. For example, she's a stylist but she needs a touch up, she's into fashion, but her toes go over the front of her sandals, her nails are missing on 3 fingers type shit. Uh, hello? You said you had your shit together, but uh, you must remember before you sweep around the front door of someone else's house, make sure your shit is clean.

Like I said there's more, but it's these I come in contact with day to day. Consider my ass kicked from being beatdown by the bullshit, but as I progress in life I recognize that these people are more and more making themselves known in this world.

My advice to those who are in my position is to stay away from bitches, you want to keep yourself on level, don't stoop to theirs. You don't want that tag? Be careful of what you say and do around them. Matter of fact, don't care, yet be mindful of the fact that whatever you buy into that they are selling, you too have dropped to their level. As for them....

Wake the fuck up and work it out. Come my way and I will roast you.

Fucking cowards.
You've been addressed

The SoD

Foward Motion

"I'll see you in August, no question." The SoD

This whole week has been full of surprises. I managed to get a raise, survive a mini riot at the job, and came off one of the illest weekends I've had this year. Although I didn't speak on it that much (I haven't spoke on anything much really) I feel like I have to address some issues before I continue on this post....

I really think DC people are bold as fuck. For a one night stay at a hotel that you just might have to go to gun classes for, will run you about a good c-note. To have a quiet dinner without the rest of the restaurant up your ass, requires you to meditate and block out things around you. To take the metro, you might just have to go through hypnosis just to deal with the unnecessary bullshit around you. Either way, I am understanding that DC is not the ideal place for me.

Given that I'm from a city (or small town dependant on where YOU are from) I'm used to the whole nigga syndrome. Still yet, we all need a break from the norm. The ghetto is all around us I know, still the need to breathe can somewhat be overwhelming. I found my air this past weekend, and next month I seek it again. Only this time, I make foward motion to further place my feet on new ground. With the leg getting better each day, I just keep pushing. While I'm here, I feel like a man mar que'd, just dealing with this case and working to make a better life for myself. The frustration gets to me sometimes, and the lack of communication devices keeps me from outletting to those I need to talk with. So I strive on what I can and just move foward.

I must acknowledge the dancer who didn't recognize the fact that she had enough coke up her nose to make me think she made pizzas rather than sniff some shit. Be advised I was looking for some herbal healing (get your mind out the gutta) and I was being directed to the snowman. I mean people, sometimes we know what we got on when we come out the house and sometimes we just don't care. But shit, if you do what you do, have enough common damn sense to actually clean up yourself before not just giving an answer I'm not looking for, but sell me a dance as well.

I can't say that was the illest thing that happened, there are alot more funny occurances (the smoke detector, the school and the bitch ass there who is petrified of the unknown, taking the metro a bit too far, etc.) but the one thing that stood out the most to me that makes me laugh is the man on the median on Rhode Island Avenue with the sign that said:

"I ain't gon' lie, I just want a beer"

For that I wanted to get this man some 211 in a six pack. Honesty like that should be rewarded, no matter what the issue is.

With that it's back to writing poetry...

The SoD

Photosynthesis

"It starts on the inside and works its way out." The SoD


I opened the door for her and we walked in. A light scent of Jasmine crossed my nose as the mist came from the ceiling onto my shoulders. I was surrounded by life, walking and still. The high ceilings and the windows had me engulfed in a forest of discovery. I took it all in while holding the hand of the person who took me there. This was our second trip there, only this time the inside was open, we took a look at the outside yet on the inside, that's where the show was.

God did great work in this place, and I found out there are others. It is there where I will witness more than just one work of Him. I won't talk about that though.

Where am I? Not where you think, but know that soon I will be. While some have this attitude that as long as I'm not blogging, shots will be fired. Well, I'll put it like this, you can shoot all you want in the air.....you ain't killing the sky.

With that said, it feels good to be blogging, this past month has been a roller coaster of emotions. I feel like I've lifted alot of baggage off my shoulders. I thank you for everything, you know what I mean.

As far as the job.....I still got work to do. Considering that I've checked my surroundings and surveillance is low, still yet a mission aborted is a mission not done. I'm still on the clock as we speak dig it?

Once I'm gone, I'm gone. No need for a comeback tour or some bullshit ass vacation. You either be dying, having a baby, or graduating in order for me to catch a ticket back. Cause right turn on red is legal everywhere.


That's real talk yo.
Shout out A$

The SoD