"You get this feeling that just won't go away...." - A Friend
I've been thinking about that line because going on stage has produced the same feelings over and over again. Prior to when I go, I have this butterfly feeling in the gut. Nothing to do with being scared to perform, but how I deliver. I want the crowd to feel me, the way I write and what is being said. Never was I afraid to get on the stage, but yet while I'm there it's a different story, if anything "yo son, that's whassup, you did your thing" is not enough. I need substance "yo son, that line about the castration of education was off the hook, my son is going through the same shit" I can fuck with that. Let's me know you were listening, let's me know that I was doing what I set out to do....make you think.
With that said, there's ton's of feelings that won't go away, my constant obsession with playing competitive basketball, my love to perform, my loyalty to those who've been nothing but real to me. I take these things and never have to analyze them for anything. They are just what they are, feelings that don't go away. I get away from it awhile and still I'm in a good place. I never thought about losing with these things because they are the things that keep me happy.
Nevertheless, there are those who choose to try and disrupt that and it's cool, I respect that. Ain't nothing more I like other than a hater. Still yet though, it's the inside that is never affected, which drives they ass crazy. I smile, yet inside, I just put you through a wall.
On the inside of me I am juggling alot of things, good things at that. I'm still learning my life as the changes in it have opened me up to new things. I am dealing with feelings that won't go away. Not that I'm trying to make them.....but you see that line up there.
Other than that I'm out....more stuff to write.
The SoD
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
New Jersey Drive This Ain't
"We too far gone to see what's important" - Miss Jenkins
You would think that you would hear a reason rather than an excuse
or that you could actually play the race card at the top of the deck
You would think that one of those shells actually belonged to the 'suspect'
or there was some hidden beef that will surface in the future
Justice has been castrated and it's remains draped on the necks of those
who uphold the 'law'
and they rock their chain faithfully while their bracelets finds wrists to secure themselves against
You would think that this was the best way to stop crime
Instead they ask why in the hood we draw lines to seperate us from them who all through time preyed on the weak of the mind only to find they were blind to the fact that we weren't the ones with the nightsticks and dogs
Just trying to live in the system who's foundation has been flawed
and the last time I checked, their primary is to serve and protect
and they demand my respect or else it's now shoot and forget?
So what if they were minorities?
Which can only mean is that common sense becomes obsolete to authority
Fuck black and white, fuck excuses, here's truth
We didn't paint the battle lines black
You police painted the shit blue.
RIP Sean Bell
The SoD
You would think that you would hear a reason rather than an excuse
or that you could actually play the race card at the top of the deck
You would think that one of those shells actually belonged to the 'suspect'
or there was some hidden beef that will surface in the future
Justice has been castrated and it's remains draped on the necks of those
who uphold the 'law'
and they rock their chain faithfully while their bracelets finds wrists to secure themselves against
You would think that this was the best way to stop crime
Instead they ask why in the hood we draw lines to seperate us from them who all through time preyed on the weak of the mind only to find they were blind to the fact that we weren't the ones with the nightsticks and dogs
Just trying to live in the system who's foundation has been flawed
and the last time I checked, their primary is to serve and protect
and they demand my respect or else it's now shoot and forget?
So what if they were minorities?
Which can only mean is that common sense becomes obsolete to authority
Fuck black and white, fuck excuses, here's truth
We didn't paint the battle lines black
You police painted the shit blue.
RIP Sean Bell
The SoD
Saturday, April 19, 2008
*Boom*
"...If you think too hard on this, your head gon' explode." - Student
If I was really into politics like that I would ask whether or not the war going on was really in Iraq as opposed to every news channel that comes on. Hey Dems, put the gun away, take off the diaper and understand that in order for them to not look and treat us like shit, stop giving them shit to treat and look at us like. There, I said it.
Now in other shit, looks like the government is gon' come up with this polygamy bullshit. 400+ kids all in the hands of the State that's going to make hundreds of thousands of dollars putting them in the system. I can't and won't make any comments on their lifestyle simply because I don't fully understand it. Yet, I will say though it comes down to the simplest of truths:
"Fear of the unknown, brings ignorance"
Point blank, you don't know about someone yet you fear them, you are going to find out whatever you can to ensure they are out of your cypher, to eliminate any chance of understanding, one will cut corners to extinguish the situation at hand. By any means necessary. Sound familiar? Well ask the Black Panther Party, The Nation of Islam, Bloods and Crips, The KKK (Yeah I said it), Rappers, Women, and any sole person who would carry some form of impact or "I ain't about mainstream America" type attitude and instead of trying to understand where you are coming from, some would rather say fuck it and nip your whole belief by saying you aren't what we want so no we can't count you type shit. How's that for the land of the free?
Not to say that the Polygamist groups are right or wrong. What I'm saying is, America doesn't seem to like people on their own program. With wiretapping, DNA testing for any and everything, GPS on cars just for spying, you can't tell me all this shit is for national security. In America, I know what it felt like to have a life, now I feel like in order for me to have one I need to give my personal one up in advance so they don't THINK I'm going to do something, and if I did then they can actually tell me the last time I spit gum out my car window on my way to the RMV, ain't that a bitch? What sucks even more is that muh fuckas don't even have all their shit together and they've been working on the fly for years now. It is us who suffer through the whole shit, not because we want to, but the 'fear' of what can happen if you DON'T follow what the mainstream wants of you.
Almost sounds like a job I used to work at. The only time they want to talk is when you fuck up. Although in the beginning you asked for that policy book so you wouldn't fuck up, and you know your rights as an employee in case you fucked up. Yet, it's not available because of the 'fear'. I am not about corporate politics and made it clear numerous times that I'm not game to that bullshit. Still, don't tarnish my record because you 'fear' I'm going to corrupt your so called 'robots' that just say "ok" and get stepped on. Do the right thing, act like you know and make it convincing too. I will call you on your bullshit, and leave if there is no change feel me?
Some people think too much, I was one of those people. I overanalyze so I can understand all aspects of things. I simplified it by sealing shit with a KISS approach (Keep It Simple Stupid) it works, and you would be surprised that even in the worst and harshest of situations, that's all that's needed.
But don't think too hard though....your head just might explode.
The SoD
If I was really into politics like that I would ask whether or not the war going on was really in Iraq as opposed to every news channel that comes on. Hey Dems, put the gun away, take off the diaper and understand that in order for them to not look and treat us like shit, stop giving them shit to treat and look at us like. There, I said it.
Now in other shit, looks like the government is gon' come up with this polygamy bullshit. 400+ kids all in the hands of the State that's going to make hundreds of thousands of dollars putting them in the system. I can't and won't make any comments on their lifestyle simply because I don't fully understand it. Yet, I will say though it comes down to the simplest of truths:
"Fear of the unknown, brings ignorance"
Point blank, you don't know about someone yet you fear them, you are going to find out whatever you can to ensure they are out of your cypher, to eliminate any chance of understanding, one will cut corners to extinguish the situation at hand. By any means necessary. Sound familiar? Well ask the Black Panther Party, The Nation of Islam, Bloods and Crips, The KKK (Yeah I said it), Rappers, Women, and any sole person who would carry some form of impact or "I ain't about mainstream America" type attitude and instead of trying to understand where you are coming from, some would rather say fuck it and nip your whole belief by saying you aren't what we want so no we can't count you type shit. How's that for the land of the free?
Not to say that the Polygamist groups are right or wrong. What I'm saying is, America doesn't seem to like people on their own program. With wiretapping, DNA testing for any and everything, GPS on cars just for spying, you can't tell me all this shit is for national security. In America, I know what it felt like to have a life, now I feel like in order for me to have one I need to give my personal one up in advance so they don't THINK I'm going to do something, and if I did then they can actually tell me the last time I spit gum out my car window on my way to the RMV, ain't that a bitch? What sucks even more is that muh fuckas don't even have all their shit together and they've been working on the fly for years now. It is us who suffer through the whole shit, not because we want to, but the 'fear' of what can happen if you DON'T follow what the mainstream wants of you.
Almost sounds like a job I used to work at. The only time they want to talk is when you fuck up. Although in the beginning you asked for that policy book so you wouldn't fuck up, and you know your rights as an employee in case you fucked up. Yet, it's not available because of the 'fear'. I am not about corporate politics and made it clear numerous times that I'm not game to that bullshit. Still, don't tarnish my record because you 'fear' I'm going to corrupt your so called 'robots' that just say "ok" and get stepped on. Do the right thing, act like you know and make it convincing too. I will call you on your bullshit, and leave if there is no change feel me?
Some people think too much, I was one of those people. I overanalyze so I can understand all aspects of things. I simplified it by sealing shit with a KISS approach (Keep It Simple Stupid) it works, and you would be surprised that even in the worst and harshest of situations, that's all that's needed.
But don't think too hard though....your head just might explode.
The SoD
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Missed Free Throws
"...comes back to haunt ya in the end." - Bobby Knight
You work on em first when you learn how to shoot. Nevermind the lay-up, this is the predecessor of the jump shot. The one you just stand there and whatever you do beforehand (bend knees, rotate the ball in hand three times, wink to the camera, rub yo' nuts, smooth out waves, whatever) you let that ball go with enough confidence that it's going in. Your routine says so, the countless times you done the same thing over and over because it's the first thing you learn before you start jumping with the ball. You become fluent in your actions and once mastered, it's like breathing. You know what you are doing before you do it, then you forget that you are doing it until you think about it.....
and that's when the pressure builds, the sweat comes, and all that shit you thought you would remember has come with the baggage of whether or not you perfected it enough.
*clank*
You want to go back to basics, you want to put yourself in the position of when you were learning to have 300 straight after hitting 299. You remember being there and want to go back. There's just one thing....
you're in the game, but you miss and there's practice and nothing but. You make it and there's not only just practice, but a victory.
Not just for you, but others. You thought about hitting 300 and going for 500. Instead you went out there and played hard, not relying on the one thing that helped develop your form, your release, your coolness under pressure. Instead you relied on the muscles, the ups, the people telling you you got it going on. Your team is the shit, its your year anyway.
*clank*
and no matter what you went out there and busted your ass, you took it there and gave your body a thorough workout and then some. You told yourself that you could take the shots, but you wouldn't need em' cause you were up and didn't think the other team could take over, yet they knew that you didn't have it on the line, the one fundamental that got you there you let slip away for that moment. Maybe you did need those extra 200 that you let go, because at that point you would've realized that it does matter, and in the end it does justify the means.
Keep practicing the free throws in life simply because they're free. Your supposed to hit those.
slack up and you might blow it in the end
ain't that right Memphis? (damn you)
The SoD
You work on em first when you learn how to shoot. Nevermind the lay-up, this is the predecessor of the jump shot. The one you just stand there and whatever you do beforehand (bend knees, rotate the ball in hand three times, wink to the camera, rub yo' nuts, smooth out waves, whatever) you let that ball go with enough confidence that it's going in. Your routine says so, the countless times you done the same thing over and over because it's the first thing you learn before you start jumping with the ball. You become fluent in your actions and once mastered, it's like breathing. You know what you are doing before you do it, then you forget that you are doing it until you think about it.....
and that's when the pressure builds, the sweat comes, and all that shit you thought you would remember has come with the baggage of whether or not you perfected it enough.
*clank*
You want to go back to basics, you want to put yourself in the position of when you were learning to have 300 straight after hitting 299. You remember being there and want to go back. There's just one thing....
you're in the game, but you miss and there's practice and nothing but. You make it and there's not only just practice, but a victory.
Not just for you, but others. You thought about hitting 300 and going for 500. Instead you went out there and played hard, not relying on the one thing that helped develop your form, your release, your coolness under pressure. Instead you relied on the muscles, the ups, the people telling you you got it going on. Your team is the shit, its your year anyway.
*clank*
and no matter what you went out there and busted your ass, you took it there and gave your body a thorough workout and then some. You told yourself that you could take the shots, but you wouldn't need em' cause you were up and didn't think the other team could take over, yet they knew that you didn't have it on the line, the one fundamental that got you there you let slip away for that moment. Maybe you did need those extra 200 that you let go, because at that point you would've realized that it does matter, and in the end it does justify the means.
Keep practicing the free throws in life simply because they're free. Your supposed to hit those.
slack up and you might blow it in the end
ain't that right Memphis? (damn you)
The SoD
Saturday, February 16, 2008
No April Fools Joke Here...
"...either which way, you know it's going down...." D. Moss (Spoken word artist)
I've been busy. Actually I spent a good three weeks sick with the flu and borderline newmonia (look I know how to spell but this shit was some kind of of sickness) Anyway, I'm better and what luck do I have coming out of the sickness and landing a g-note playing blackjack. Gotta love that shit, right?
I know I've been out of touch with my peoples and I apoligize. When you are trying to get your house in order and you are still maintaining life at the same time, you realize that some things are out of reach. I wasn't going to sit there and try to have people tell me why they can't understand me through all of the coughing and throwing up. I hate it when people try to talk to me like that so I was doing yall a favor. Either way, I can only hope cats are still in my corner as I am in theirs. If you have fallen off and are doing your thing, that's cool with me. I can only expect that yall keep it moving like you all should. Just don't write me off in a big ball of bullshit cause I don't bite, and I won't. You're better off where you are.
My man D. Moss gave me a call and said that there is a spot in the field' that will open up the spoken word back in he 413. Glad he gave me that call, cause I been waiting to spit that shit for a good minute. Lord willing, I'm back to 100% so get ready. I will post my times that I will be there.
To my immediates (yall know who yall are) the phone is open, call me
To the associates, keep getting money like yall do.
To my newfound card counting class, you only make dough if you are willing to learn how to bake. Let's get money. Period. (Will fill you in later)
All that said. A whole lot more to come.
I'm out, yall be cool
The SoD
I've been busy. Actually I spent a good three weeks sick with the flu and borderline newmonia (look I know how to spell but this shit was some kind of of sickness) Anyway, I'm better and what luck do I have coming out of the sickness and landing a g-note playing blackjack. Gotta love that shit, right?
I know I've been out of touch with my peoples and I apoligize. When you are trying to get your house in order and you are still maintaining life at the same time, you realize that some things are out of reach. I wasn't going to sit there and try to have people tell me why they can't understand me through all of the coughing and throwing up. I hate it when people try to talk to me like that so I was doing yall a favor. Either way, I can only hope cats are still in my corner as I am in theirs. If you have fallen off and are doing your thing, that's cool with me. I can only expect that yall keep it moving like you all should. Just don't write me off in a big ball of bullshit cause I don't bite, and I won't. You're better off where you are.
My man D. Moss gave me a call and said that there is a spot in the field' that will open up the spoken word back in he 413. Glad he gave me that call, cause I been waiting to spit that shit for a good minute. Lord willing, I'm back to 100% so get ready. I will post my times that I will be there.
To my immediates (yall know who yall are) the phone is open, call me
To the associates, keep getting money like yall do.
To my newfound card counting class, you only make dough if you are willing to learn how to bake. Let's get money. Period. (Will fill you in later)
All that said. A whole lot more to come.
I'm out, yall be cool
The SoD
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Seeing the Shadow....
"No excuses, just reasons...." - The SoD
I know I know, we lost. I get it already. To know the ins and outs of it are too complex for the basic sports fan. To really see the big picture and take a good idea as to what happened I will put it down in 3 good reasons why we took the L:
1. The O-Line for the Pats played like the Mob was in the building.
2. Spygate a day before? Unless I'm a Johnny come lately there's some truth to that shit that no one wanted to find out.
3. We got outplayed*
I'll leave an asterisk on that one if number 2 had anything to do with it. The game was a good show, and I was on the edge of my seat the last quarter. OK enough about that though, back to the real.
I waited to blog for the simple fact I needed to fall back for a minute. I know we all on some 'get our shit together' type thing, but still yet I managed to move, enroll back in school, and with work and studying, and let's not forget the poetry, the kid has been some type of busy. I realize like a true Capricorn I don't see everything as perfect yet I strive to make it that way as best as I can. No more do I find myself sweating things that are not really that big. I been on my grind and closing myself out to suit myself. Don't take it personal, but know that I'm still me, and if you couldn't deal with that then, then disregard the statement. I'm looking to alot happening in the 08' and yeah, I'm gassed up and ready to blow.
Someone got a match?
I'm out
The SoD
I know I know, we lost. I get it already. To know the ins and outs of it are too complex for the basic sports fan. To really see the big picture and take a good idea as to what happened I will put it down in 3 good reasons why we took the L:
1. The O-Line for the Pats played like the Mob was in the building.
2. Spygate a day before? Unless I'm a Johnny come lately there's some truth to that shit that no one wanted to find out.
3. We got outplayed*
I'll leave an asterisk on that one if number 2 had anything to do with it. The game was a good show, and I was on the edge of my seat the last quarter. OK enough about that though, back to the real.
I waited to blog for the simple fact I needed to fall back for a minute. I know we all on some 'get our shit together' type thing, but still yet I managed to move, enroll back in school, and with work and studying, and let's not forget the poetry, the kid has been some type of busy. I realize like a true Capricorn I don't see everything as perfect yet I strive to make it that way as best as I can. No more do I find myself sweating things that are not really that big. I been on my grind and closing myself out to suit myself. Don't take it personal, but know that I'm still me, and if you couldn't deal with that then, then disregard the statement. I'm looking to alot happening in the 08' and yeah, I'm gassed up and ready to blow.
Someone got a match?
I'm out
The SoD
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
The First of a Few
"You just might get what you wish for...." - Many people around the world
So, I decided to lay low for awhile and take a step back from things to work on my things. With that said, I look at all that I have accomplished in this little bit of time and to see where I'm at.... well:
Half of the album is complete
The book needs work
My knees are going to shit
My body is back to where it should be
Pork is not on the menu anymore
I smile at alot still
School starts in spring
and bitch ass niggas are still, well, bitch ass niggas.
To start, I would like to say Merry Christmas to all, and to those who don't celebrate, enjoy the day off.
To end, just know that in the 08' I can only hope for 5 good things:
1. My Pats go all the way, and further address to the rest of the world that NO ONE is fucking with New England.
2. Uncle Sam kisses rather than kicks my ass in taxes this year.
3. The album complete, and with hope sells out where sold.
4. We get shit right with voting this time around.
5. People understanding who they really are so the rest of us can move on with our fucking lives.
That includes you, Mr. Bush, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Britney Spears, Joe "I am really a rapist bitch nigga" from MD, Harpo from the Color Purple, and Darius from Family Matters (heard you and Superhead back together and married...dummy).
yeah I'm talking to you. get at me if you need to. I'm ready for anything.
Two guns up bitches.
I'm out.
SoD
So, I decided to lay low for awhile and take a step back from things to work on my things. With that said, I look at all that I have accomplished in this little bit of time and to see where I'm at.... well:
Half of the album is complete
The book needs work
My knees are going to shit
My body is back to where it should be
Pork is not on the menu anymore
I smile at alot still
School starts in spring
and bitch ass niggas are still, well, bitch ass niggas.
To start, I would like to say Merry Christmas to all, and to those who don't celebrate, enjoy the day off.
To end, just know that in the 08' I can only hope for 5 good things:
1. My Pats go all the way, and further address to the rest of the world that NO ONE is fucking with New England.
2. Uncle Sam kisses rather than kicks my ass in taxes this year.
3. The album complete, and with hope sells out where sold.
4. We get shit right with voting this time around.
5. People understanding who they really are so the rest of us can move on with our fucking lives.
That includes you, Mr. Bush, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, Britney Spears, Joe "I am really a rapist bitch nigga" from MD, Harpo from the Color Purple, and Darius from Family Matters (heard you and Superhead back together and married...dummy).
yeah I'm talking to you. get at me if you need to. I'm ready for anything.
Two guns up bitches.
I'm out.
SoD
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